Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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