So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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