Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i drank out of a bidet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
