I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
