Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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