She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
