I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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