all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
