That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
