i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just cut my nipple shaving
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
