i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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