FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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