he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
