You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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