a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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