The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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