last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
