Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
