I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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