fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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