Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Plan B is the new Plan A
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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