Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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