I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did I show you my penis last night?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
