I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
