i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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