so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
