ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
