I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
