He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
