I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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