Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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