Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
