Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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