just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
