Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
