If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
