can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
