apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
