ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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