Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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