Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
