if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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