What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
