I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
