I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
