We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
