god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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