I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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