I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So much Jack, so little girl.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
