real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
