I hate your face
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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