I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
