I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I deserve this hangover.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
