I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize