perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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