Apparently you make a good broom.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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