You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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