He disabled his match.com account in front of me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
accomplished twins. life is a go
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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