Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
