3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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