My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
