My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
