Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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